Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Good beginning to my story?

You've got a really good hook here, stick with it. I'm not exactly sure where this character is - they're searching for a way out of what? If the car is at a distance, how did the trees catch fire? I'm just not sure how to imagine it. You have 'the body' twice in a row, you could edit that down. Take out 'I mean' too. You wander into past tense with 'I remembered.' Although I think the whole thing might sound better in past tense, but it's up to you. I'm also curious what has this character so impaired that they can't even stand. Is something on top of them or are bones broken? Why can't he or she get up? It's good and I'm really curious where you're going with it, so keep it up. Good luck with it.

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