A Quick Question For You Guys. How Does This Sound?

I really liked it. Your descriptions are good and I think the emotions came out very well, especially at the beginning and at the end. It was the middle part I didn't like so much. The dialogue doesn't sound quite right and there's some stuff in there that drags it down. I don't think you need quite so much description or so many words in between or even within the dialogue. Just try to clean it up a bit and see if it sounds any better. And try reading the dialogue out loud. It sounds a little forced and not quite believable. It should flow naturally, like a real conversation. That's really the only problem I could see with it. Like I said, your descriptions are great, the emotion is all there. Just that middle section with the dialogue could use some improvement, I think.